Reading Response 6: Fathers

I want to discuss the first stanza of “Fathers” where it says that “Fathers are more fathering these days they have accomplished this by being more mothering”. I feel as those this statement crosses all boundaries of sexism. It’s basically saying in order to be a successful father, you have to change your ways to fit a woman’s way of being a mother. Although this poem is talking about the appreciation they have of fathers stepping up and doing things “right” is this really the right way to be a father?

A father is a man. Not a woman. I feel like this line could’ve been rephrased because it’s a double standard. A father acting like a woman to be more nurturing to their child isn’t right, just as a mother acting like a man to be sterner to their child. It may sound as though I’m being sexist, but in reality I’m not. Grace Paley, the writer of this poem, is showing her appreciation in a less than ideal way. She goes on in the poem to talk about fathering taking a new turn in society and you see men on mass transits in the city, holding their “round babies on their laps” and how “these scenes were brand-new exciting for an old woman”. Yes, this may seem like he’s taking on a womanly role, but he can still have his manhood while holding a baby on the train. It doesn’t change who he is, it just shows that he actually cares. The father is comfortable with himself, not trying to be motherly. He’s trying to be a father.

Paley should be more careful with her wording because some things can come off offensive to others. I know some people didn’t get what I got from what she wrote, but I took this quite personally because I began to think about my father as I was reading, would he really want to be referred to as a woman? Then, you also have to think, would a woman really want to be referred to as a man? My father did a great job raising me, not by becoming womanly, but by taking care of me. I feel as though this poem is making it okay for genders to play each other’s roles. It just makes it confusing for their children.